Preparing for Marriage? 5 Important Questions to Ask Your Spouse Before Walking Down the Aisle
Preparing for Marriage?
So, you’re thinking about getting married, recently engaged, or a few short months away from the big day! Congratulations, this is such a beautiful time for any couple. With that, the realization may sink in at some point that preparing for marriage is key. No, this does not mean that you must have every question about the future answered. But, there should be open communication between you and your partner about important life questions.
This is a great guide for couples who tend to shy away from seemingly hard questions. Plus, those who want to have open, honest, and vulnerable conversations but do not know where to start. Here are 5 questions that every couple should ask each other before walking down the aisle.
1) What does marriage mean to you?
This is an excellent first question. It allows you to hear your partner’s silent expectations of what marriage looks like. Everyone’s idea of what a marriage looks like is different. Why? Because it's shaped by different experiences. This may include parental examples of marriage, past relationship experiences, and personal needs and desires. For example, a couple with one partner may have grown up in a two-parent household with married parents. If so, they may have a different idea of marriage than their partner who grew up with divorced parents who remarried. But, one partner does not have the advantage. It only results in different ideas and expectations of marriage and what it looks like.
Some follow up questions can include:
· What is your biggest fear going into marriage?
· How do you picture us managing the household chores?
· What constitutes a good marriage vs. a bad marriage?
Goal: If your ideas and expectations for marriage are different, which areas can you both come together and adjust for the relationship.
2) What are your financial goals and how can we try to reach them together?
Finances are one of the highest-rated reasons for divorce. So, it’s vital to understand people have certain behaviors around money management. Some examples include:
–Fear of Money: Also known as savers who may find it challenging and stressful to spend money.
–Big Spenders: Comfortable spending money on high ticket items and don’t fear debt.
Here are some great resources to view different personality traits when it comes to money management. Find out which personality trait you and your partner closely relate to.
Here is a great resource. Educate yourselves with practical and helpful resources to reduce marital financial stress:
Prenuptial agreements may come up. If so, have an open and honest conversation between you and your partner first. Then get the advice of a trusted lawyer and ask, ask, and ask questions. Doing so will help you be well-informed before making any decisions. And remember that postnuptial agreements can be created after you get married.
3) How can I help you when you’re stressed? And what works best when we argue?
Fighting fair rules are used as a guide. They help couples disagree and solve problems in healthier ways. I will write a blog about this in more detail. So, if you’d like to sign up to receive a free monthly newsletter, you can do so by signing up for Exhale Counseling Center Newsletter.
Finding out ways that your partner would prefer to get support during stressful times and after arguments is vital. This is because your partner is not a mind reader, and they will not always know what you need. You’ll have to tell them.
4) Kids? Adopt? No kids? Godparents?
Having this conversation is SO important, no matter the outcome. Please remember that yes people can change. They may want one thing early in the marriage and change their mind later. This depends on several different factors. But, remember to be flexible and open to changes within your partner's response. and practice open communication. If you struggle with open communication, try couples counseling for a few sessions. Doing so can help you to improve healthy listening and communication skills (you’ll be glad you did). Also, if your partner is adamant on never wanting to have children, you will have to dig deep. You will have to understand that they may never change their mind. When in this situation, it’s good to ask yourself “they may change their mind, but in the off chance that they do not, will I be satisfied?”
5) What are your dealbreakers?
Everyone has dealbreakers, some may be about:
Children
Religion
Where you live
Career goals you need support through
Infidelity
Etc.
Discussing your nonnegotiable in an open way will offer a good idea of what your future may look like. Things may change, be open to the changes. If your dealbreakers fit together, even better!
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Seeking the guidance of a marriage and family therapist, trusted pastor, or an older couple whom you look up to and can impart wisdom to you and your spouse are wonderful additions that can only strengthen your marriage. It takes work to build a strong marriage. So, having a strong foundation before you say, “I do” and “forever” is imperative. You do not have all the answers. Plus, there are people who have more experience and knowledge about marriage than you. So, be open to their feedback as long as it is constructive and healthy.
Begin Pre-Marriage Counseling in Orlando, FL
If you’re looking for pre-marital counseling, we offer this at Exhale Counseling Center. Our licensed mental health therapists are Prepare/Enrich certified to provide pre-marital counseling in Florida. If you are ready to start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Email us at: frontdesk@exhalecounselingcenterllc.com, call: 407-720-5976, -OR- click here to schedule your first session.
Complete the paperwork
Attend your first session with Dr. Vanessa Milagros, PhD, LMHC
